My ass has been feeling extra jiggly lately. Yes, it is true. My name is Jamie, and I have a jiggly ass. I’ve been kinda killin’ it with my personal growth practices and feeling really good about my spiritual life, but my running shoes have been in the exact same spot for an inexcusably long time. And when I think back to when I was super duper fit, I remember spending half my life at the gym and feeling pretty much dead inside. I guess this is the lesser of two evils, but needless to say, there is definitely room for both. I just really struggle with balance.
Friday night before bed I told myself that a morning run was non-negotiable. My dude is coming to visit in exactly one week, so it was about that time to hit the pavement (earmuffs, Lover). I set multiple iPhone alarms with all sorts of inspirational/completely offensive alarm “labels” for intimidation come morning, and I am proud to report that I only snoozed four times (insert salsa dancer and trophy emojis here). Now, for those of you who have taken way too much time off from cardio, you’ll relate to the fact that it is nearly impossible to break the seal. But I decided…Saturday was the day. So I told my feet that it was happening, and with next to no support from my head or my heart, I layered up, threw on my tennies and headed out.
As I’m cardio-ing my way through an off-the beaten-path trail in the forest, I am breath-taken—as I often am here in Nature Heaven—when I unexpectedly end up at the edge of a cliff overlooking the San Juan Islands. Between the clean, crisp air and the absolute magnificence of this has-to-be-Divinely-created landscape in front of me, I think to myself, Everything is absolutely perfect exactly as it is in this moment.
You see, I didn’t consciously get to that place. I made the non-negotiable decision to put my health first (it’s not really about the booty), and I just did it. But that doesn’t mean that it was easy. Heck no it wasn’t. If you spent one day in my head you would immediately bolt straight to therapy; trust me. But I just put one foot in front of the other and acted “as if.” Because for me, I am in one of three states: faith, fear or faking it. In my opinion, the only dangerous one is fear.
I get into fear quite often—about my future, my relationships, well, most things—and I know from a lot of experience that it is almost lethal for me. Whether it’s the fear of not being able to run a mile without stopping and how that might make me feel, or the fear of never finding my true calling in life, I know with 100% certainty that I do not make healthy decisions when I’m in it. And since I can’t take fear out into the desert, shoot it and bury it never to be seen again, my only other option is to get back into faith…or to fake it.
I don’t know about you, but fear wouldn’t be so dangerous for me if I could just hop, skip and jump my way into faith. So I fake it. A LOT. Faking it can mean moving my feet while my negatively-chattering head trails behind. It can be repeating mantras over and over again that I don’t actually believe (yet). Or closing my eyes so I can muster up the courage to take that huge, scary leap of “faith.” Regardless of how I do it, I just try to do it. Because I believe that all roads lead to faith sooner or later, as long as I put in the work.
I believe that faith means staying in integrity, following my heart and listening to those subtle nudges from my soul, while trusting that everything is going to work out exactly as it should. When I am truly in faith, my life can feel effortless. When I am just required to do my part and leave the rest up to (fill in the blank), I mean, what is there to fear really? Oh, and GRATITUDE. Gratitude is my faith fuel. Only can I believe that everything is just as it should be when I continue to acknowledge those sacred moments—like the one on the edge of that cliff—when everything seems to align and my spirit feels so incredibly alive. Action plus gratitude equals faith. I know that in my life, it’s a package deal or nothing at all.
With that, I would like to take this moment to give thanks to my delightfully jiggly ass in all of its gloriousness for getting out of bed yesterday and getting into action. Because of you, I feel a whole lot more faith today. And I have my running shoes on as we speak (woohoo for day #2!) and am headed out to spend another afternoon frolicking in that magical forest…
